Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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