Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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