On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
