you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
