The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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