I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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