Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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