Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize