So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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