He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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