How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
