i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
