Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
