Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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