I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it because I queefed?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The chlamydia really affected his face.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
