why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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