I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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