I got chris browned last night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
