Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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