I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
