I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
