YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
