you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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