I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
