You don't have asthma, your pregnant
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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