The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize