i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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