??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
