Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
