yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
