That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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