you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
