i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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