You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize