I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The air was thick with penises
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
