im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
