i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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