We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
