I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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