Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
