we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
