Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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