I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
