did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
