My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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