So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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