i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
