Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize