he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
