suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You made out with two different species that night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Randomize
