in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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