When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
