I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
