Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you had me at cake vodka
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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