worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
