Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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