There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
