that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He did a backflip because drugs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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