We're facebook friends in real life
just come out here and I will go home with you...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
