There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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