he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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