Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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