I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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