You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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