it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
