so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
