I wish I only lived at night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
