i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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