i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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