I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
