I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
