pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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