So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
