they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
