Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
