i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize