i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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