I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
