DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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