Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
