I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
