So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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