why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We have started to decorate penises.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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