yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
