Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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