this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
