I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
